Brain-dump, Monday 25th August

[Finally I've found a WiFi cafe near the hotel]... just reading good wishes from many people, who have taken the time to send me/us lovely messages of good health and hugs and gin and humour, and one hilarious story of a huge cat fart - I’m rolling around the bed giggling at that one, thanks Toni!

M has had a rocky few days - yesterday he was very bored and irritated (as was I, a long story behind THAT which might make it into this immortal blog).. today he was fine in the morning, and we decided after seeing the doc [she reported good blood tests but made it clear that she wanted him to stay in until Wednesday morning for further treatment, they want to be QUITE sure that a) his liver is ok, and b) his blood pressure is under control - it’s been up and down so that’s not stable yet]... that we would both have afternoon naps. I had quite a good snooze in spite of a lot of street noise; then got started on umpty phone calls to sort out new bus and hotel bookings. The travel ppls in Tallinn in particular were very impressive, double-checked all my arrangements made over the weekend and even discovered (or organised, I’m really not sure) that there would be no ‘late’ or ‘no-show’ fees. Wunderbar!

But at 7pm M was sounding very pale on the phone; I quickly had my Net fix and then loped over to see him. His fluctuating blood pressure has given him some headaches, and tonight it was very bad. He was upset and worried and anxious and in pain and impatient and irritated and sad.... I held his hand, and nipped out to ‘get a cuppa tea’ for which read ‘take the nurse aside and ask her if he could have something to help with the anxiety’ ... she (Xenia) is a very good nurse; she’s been the only one who’s stopped in just to chat and see that he’s ok for little things.

[Here is a rundown on Russky/American Klinik praktices - no changing of ze bed or towels since M was admitted; much less attention to what I consider to be good antiseptic practices... the nurses don’t take away rubbish of any kind (including the umpteen little pill cups and bits of gauze/tape/needle cover bits); they don’t tidy the bed and make the sheets smooth again; no attention to if M has enough water; no waterproof wrapping over the bandages on his wrists to help him shower (he’s had cannulas in both wrists, cos the first arm vein packed up after 24 hours; it was moved, then moved back, the poor man is pretty sore now)... I guess we could make more fuss and perhaps get more care, but it seems not only a big effort, but rather ungrateful. Yesterday was especially difficult because M’s nurse had no English, which was very trying for him when he was asking for help with a headache, and then trying to tell the nurse that it was no better..]

Tonight he had had extra b/p meds, but had a bad headache and was really not himself. He had a shot of something, then a godly doktor arrived - he patted M’s hand; gripped his shoulder in a manly sort of way, and assured him that there is nothing badly wrong and that he was NOT to worry and all would be better in the morning, including the problem of the fluctuating blood pressure. M was briefly cheered by this, but his headache was still bad, and eventually we asked for more help. He had another shot, and diazepam of some variety to help him relax, and he was finally ready to let me tuck him in and leave him to try to rest. I really do hope he feels better in the morning, *I* may not be able to stay cool and stoic if he’s still in pain and Wednesday’s possible departure gets question marks all over it...

I dined on 2 cheese sammos, thanks to finding a small superette on the way home, and having just enough roubles left to buy a packet of sliced cheese. I also have a packet of rather nice poppy seed crackers, an endless supply of extremely fake-o apricot jam, butter and condensed milk (thanks to the hotel fridge), a bit of chocolate, and coffee. My most important supply was the remaining small tin of gin and tonic, which is MY version of a valium and a little lie-down! I shall now invoke the latter part of that statement and see if I can collapse. It’s windy tonight and my door is rattling; it sounds JUST like someone trying the handle to see if it’s locked, most annoying. And a little while ago, we had the fourth lot of fireworks in a row - every night, comes the revolution! I do wish they’d get ON with it!

G’night. Seeya on the webs tomorrow. I can feel a major fix coming on, along with my must-do list which includes buying a blood pressure machine, going to the English book shop again, buying some more washing powder, and having a proper meal if I can. I ought to be eating my main meal at lunchtime so the evenings can be spent at the clinic with no worries about cafes being closed a la last night, when I leave M to come back to the hotel; but I can’t fancy hot chicken and oily fried veggies at that time of day. I want a toasted sammo! Such a thing has not made itself evident to me here, yet. The pizza I had for lunch was pretty good, nice thin crunchy crust, and good veg. Spoiled by the many people aiming for early-onset emphysema over their desserts. Oh yum, tiramisu and a fag.

Ickkkk.